For me, the most challenging and uncomfortable moment for me as a thinker was when I had to read Paradise Lost for the first time. It was towards the beginning of the year, and I was petrified that I couldn't comprehend the story the first time through-- or the second. I came into class that day so embarrassed. I didn't want Dr. Holt to be disappointed in me like my other teachers were when I came to class without the answers; instead of reacting with anger frustration to my misunderstanding, Dr. Holt praised the questions I came up with, and assured me it was okay to be confused, and it's okay to be uncomfortable. I believe that helped me truly become comfortable with uncertainty, and it gave me the confidence to ask questions. This year, I surprised myself when I realized that I was capable of making my own discoveries in literature, and I didn't have to rely on my teachers to tell me every hidden message or symbolic device. I delved into topics through my own line of inquiry, with the help of my classmates discussion, and I was able to make discoveries on my own, which was so incredibly rewarding. My classmates surprised me with their undying support and wonderful discoveries. I loved hearing about everyone's day during check in, and it was truly a gift to spend my senior year growing with them intellectually. The moment I am proudest of is when I was literally just laying in my bed at 1am when I couldn't fall asleep, and I started thinking about Frankenstein, Mary Shelley and The Power of Matter in the English Revolution. The thoughts were racing and even though my ideas were a bit off, I knew I need to write them down so I could discuss them with my classmates the next day. I had never been so passionate about a class that I sat up in my bed from sleeping, turned on my lamp, and pulled out my commonplace book to start writing. Coming to class everyday was so exciting because of this. You can see me "late night thought" below: My biggest moment of discovery was when Rachel and I realized the true meaning behind Paradise Lost, or at least the meaning that made the most sense to us. We realized God was being portrayed as a tyrant, keeping Adam and Eve within the garden, and the only place free will existed was outside. Also realizing that sin is anything that takes power away from God, just as breaking the law is anything that takes power away from the government. Rachel and I were literally jumping up and down when we made these discovered, and we sat down and commonplaced about it all. It was a moment I will never forget!
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What is going on in "The Ecstasy"? How does it connect to Carson? How does it connect to Neoplatonism? What would a phenomenologist say?
"The Ectasy" is absolutely unreal. Reading it evokes TONS of questions, and even a few feelings, but most of all excitement. I really really enjoyed reading it-- the language is beautiful, and the spacing is intentional and powerful. It reminded me of a lot of Carson's work the way it seemed to explore the existential element of love in a way that contextualizes the nature of lovers. The language of the poem made it apparent that it was written a long time ago, which is, of course, the tone of Carson's poems as well. As far as Neoplatonism, I am honestly not sure how it ties in. I feel that the poem creates the phenomenon of what it is to love, and the idea of souls intermingling. I hope I am not terribly off on that, but I truly did love this poem and I'm so excited to discuss it in class tomorrow! I must be honest-- I am not feeling as good about my thinking as I was when we read Frankenstein. I'm struggling to comprehend the language of the texts, the various connections I feel like I should be making, and the general quality of my ideas and thinking seems lower. I know I shouldn't compare it to the last unit, but I am feeling a bit insecure about this unit. What does King Lear mean? Is there even a meaning? And what is the meaning of not having any meaning? And how does this tie into agency and free will? Maybe this means that there is not meaning to anything or specific order. In Adv. European History, we are reading Voltaire's Candide, which from what I understand is a satire about determinism and reason. Candide is living through tragedy after tragedy yet his teacher maintains that everything is meant to be. Perhaps this is too much of a stretch and has nothing to do with King Lear, but I think it is an interesting connection to make amongst all the chaos of my thinking with Lear.
Come to think of it, I think both Titus Andronicus and King Lear both have elements of chaos. I would like to explore how chaos and maybe even chaos theory ties into the two tragedies (especially at the end of the plays when everyone dies), as well as the chaos of the time period in politics. I feel like I also need to dig into some more -isms to really get into this. Hopefully in class tomorrow we will have the chance to do so, and I am looking forward to see what my classmates came up with too. I'm feeling a bit stuck on this. I know there must be some kind of relevance since Dr. Holt is emphasizing it, but I can't quite put my finger on it. There is something about this entire play being in public places that has importance to it. It makes sense given that there is an audience, but is there something more?
I was partnered with Lily in class when we tried to map out the hovel and the heath. This seemed very mystical to me and there was a storm raging on in the background as Lear had his mental breakdown and the fool was sane (pretty ironic, huh?). I'm hoping to get a better grasp come class tomorrow! GonerilCordelia really doesn't like us. When Edmund captured her and my father, she demanded that she be taken away from her wretched sisters. Family is not important to me now. What matters to me is Edmund, and I will do anything to be with him, at any cost. Even if it means hurting my sister in the process. I do not want to be with Albany...and so I did what I had to do; I poisoned Regan. She wanted Edmund to be her husband, and I cannot let that happen. When she claimed she would be his wife, I couldn't help myself not to dispute her claim, even though it was in front of my husband. Albany arrested both me and Edmund, but then Edgar stabbed my beloved Edmund. What will I do now? What the heck Goneril?!!?!!? She is crazy! I wrote about her because in the beginning I thought she was this sweet little girl who just loves her father but now she's literally evil and poisoning her own sister. I'm interested to see how this ties in with the theme of betrayal and loyalty that was so present in Titus Andronicus.
Edgar'Tis true there is no greater suffering than mental illness. Poor King Lear. I must admit though, his troubles make me feel better about my own! Besides, everything in my life will come together as soon as the truth comes out that I've been plotted against and wrongfully condemned. Ah ha! My father, Gloucester, realizes that Edmund is a traitor! Finally I am known to be innocent! I have also scared the Fool...I dressed as Tom O'Bedlam and followed him around so he would think I am a spirit-- and he fell for it! I am fooling King Lear too. He is asking me all about my life as Tom O'Bedlam, and he even began to undress. Now he is taking me to Gloucester's castle. I must distract everyone from the letters! How? I will say outrageous things! I'm fearing what will happen next. Honestly I just thought it was really funny that Edgar dressed up and all these people who know him didn't even recognize him. It's also kind of ironic because he just got upset that Edmund was falsely plotting against him, and now he's turning around and tricking everyone into thinking he is another person. The play is getting more and more interesting!! Lots of juicy drama. I'm excited to keep reading.
ReganDespite the fact that my father granted me his power, he still has the audacity to try to control me. My father has not been a good man. When he came to my house, I would not speak to him, and when I went to see him, the only thing he seemed to blabber on about was Goneril. Of course I love her; she is my sister. Why did he think I wouldn't say anything if he is insulting her? I love her, and therefore I will stand up for her no matter what. I told my father that he needs to go to her and tell her how sorry he is after he maliciously cursed her. My sister and I will stand up to our father. She is coming to my castle where we will fight him for the right to our power. We deserve it! We will banish him until he decides to do the right thing and show us he is sorry for his actions. Yay! Standing up to patriarchy! I wrote about Regan because everyone in my class claims that patriarchy isn't apart on this unit or Titus Andronicus or even King Lear for that matter. But this is girls standing up to it! It makes me happy. I really look forward to discussing this in class so I can further argue my point!
OswaldI do my best to be a good servant to Goneril, but it seems she has done something to spark anger in Kent which is now being projected onto me. But I am innocent! Which is why I defended myself even though they think I am a subordinate. At the very sight of me, Kent burst into rage, challenging me to a fight. I had no other choice but to cry for help! He could have killed me! I am beginning to grow tired of being a servant in this family... I could lose my life for doing nothing but my job! I do care for Goneril, and I will be loyal to her, but if I am threatened again I will have no choice but to reconsider... Poor Oswald! Kent tried to attack him! I'm not exactly how servitude worked back then, but given the fact that he stood up for himself when Kent tried to attack him means he can display at least some forms of resistance. If I were him I would be thinking about quitting my job. It does seem like he is loyal to Goneril, though.
Though some may think Oswald is incredibly incompetent, I think his role serves a purpose, especially for illustrating Kent's little hissy fit. I am still trying to decide what that role is, but I am confident I can extract some relevance. EdmundThe way illegitimate children are treated in this world is foolish. Younger brothers, too. I, a younger illegitimate brother, am just as smart, attractive, and capable as my older legitimate brother Edgar, yet I am denied my father's wealth, titles, lands, power, and everything else in between. Gloucester loves me just as much as he loves Edgar, so there cannot be that big of a difference between legitimate and illegitimate off spring. The gods need to stand up for us bastards! One way or another, I will get my brothers land. I will convince Edgar that I have his best interests in mind... and I will turn my father against him. I am lucky to have a brother and father who are so good that they would never suspect my tricks! Edmund is really interesting to me because he is an illegitimate child, which almost makes him as ostracized as Aaron the moor was in Titus Andronicus. I had trouble not writing every little detail about Edmund down because there is a lot to write about! It is apparent he feels like an outcast, and I'm anxious to see how his character progresses.
CordeliaWhen asked to pronounce their love for our father, King Lear, Regan and Goneril exclaimed that they loved him with all their heart, more than anything in this world. The thing is...I don't think I feel the same as they do. Of course I should love him; he is my father. My heart has a place for him, but it has space for many other things, too. I tried to explain this too my father, but he grew quite angry with me. Kent did his best to help me, but his efforts only resulted in him being banished. I fear my sisters will get the kingdom now and I will be left with nothing. My father wants me to marry France or Burgundy, but if I cannot have the kingdom then they will not want me. Honestly I am super confused about what on earth is going on and Cordelia is the only one I have the hang of so far. Why are King Lear's daughters randomly pronouncing their love for their father? Will Cordelia's rebellion be the focus of the play?
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Bridget NaborsGalloway School Senior Archives
May 2017
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